I’ve been thinking a lot lately about luck, and I have a few questions on the subject, such as: Where does luck come from? Just how does luck get distributed? And who, exactly, is responsible for doling out the luck?

 Does this Trustee of the Luck report to anyone? Can we file a complaint if we don’t receive our luck? More importantly, is there a finite amount of luck or does it regenerate? Is it possible to use up all of your luck?

 If you’re guessing that I ask these questions because Baraxil and I have had a lot of crappy luck lately, you would be correct. And I truly want to understand because when you go through a period of really crappy luck, people who care about you say things, well meaning things, like “hang in there” and “you’re just going through a rough patch” and they tell you they will pray for you and send you good vibes and all these lovely things.

 But none of this seems to work.  

 I do not believe God is the Trustee of the Luck. People pray to God all the time and still have no luck. Clearly, some people have way more than their fair share while others, those born into poverty-stricken war zones, for example, get totally shafted. And I have to believe that if God controlled the luck, God would be fairer about the whole thing.

 Nor do I believe the Universe is the Trustee of the Luck. People send out good vibes every day and do not get back luck. I suppose that, just like praying, positive energy works sometimes. But just as often, it doesn’t.

 Some things in life are ruled entirely by luck. Even free will can only take you so far.

 Your husband can put on his best suit for a job interview and wear his charm and his graciousness on his sleeve, but you cannot force the company to hire him.

 You can spend years and all of your money on fertility treatments, because your ovaries have retired and are probably drinking margaritas by the sea somewhere in Mexico. But you cannot make those fertility treatments give you a baby.  

 You cannot, no matter how much you wish for it, always get what you want. Which makes me wonder: Is Mick Jagger the Trustee of the Luck? Because I’m pretty sure he’s skimming off the top.

 And just so you know, I do not consider myself unlucky in general. I have a family who loves me and wonderful friends, and at times during the last couple of years, during our rough patch, I’ve looked at my beautiful husband and wondered if maybe we didn’t use up all of our luck when we found each other. And could I live with that? (I could.)   

 But I do not, at this moment, believe we have used up all of our luck, and I’ll tell you why. First, statistics. I mean, with the ebb and the flow of life, the good luck has to come back around eventually, doesn’t it?

 Second, I happen to have concrete evidence that our luck just might be changing, which I dare not whisper for fear of jinxing everything, so stay tuned.

 And finally, something happened the other night. We went to the Museum of Modern Art, and I was looking at a painting by Kandinsky. Gazing at art always brings me a sensation of peace and happiness, especially Kandinsky, but this time I felt something more. It was like Kandinsky was saying, well, “Your luck just might be changing.” Not that I actually heard a voice in Russian speaking to me from beyond the grave, I wouldn’t have understood him anyway.

 I know the feeling came from inside me. We all find our hope someplace, even when we face circumstances we cannot control, we hope. This is the beauty of the human spirit. We hope, and sometimes the Trustee of the Luck provides, and sometimes we face disappointment after disappointment, but we still hope.