Dear American Electorate, There are less than 700 days until the next election.

I don't particularly like Thanksgiving. As a vegetarian, I'm about as excited for Turducken as most people are about vegetarians (although that whole vegan pumpkin pie from Bleeding Heart Bakery is all mine), have little to no tolerance for my extended family and I have to travel by Amtrak, which I tend to believe is a driving force behind my distaste for all things government-run. Last Thanksgiving, it hit a cow and my two ideological worlds collided. Fantastic. I am so thrilled.

So there's a dirty little secret in my life that I've been unwilling to admit until right now. Despite being a dedicated conservative, a serious libertarian, someone who occasionally refers to "liberal" as a "four letter word," I...well...I only date Democrats. Okay, so it isn't exactly a policy as much as it is fate. Back in high school, my boyfriend was a football player who wrote for the school paper and we used to do op-eds together where he'd take one side and I'd take the other. It was cool at the time because it felt so anti-Establishment.

So at this point, there's precious little I can do or say that will change your vote. In fact, to be truthful, it doesn't really matter to me who or what you vote for, so long as you vote for the person who best represents your interests and not for an empty suit with a modified personality. In other words, please don't vote for robots.

I saw it mentioned earlier and thought...hmm...this is something that I'm uniquely qualified to comment on that I'm not commenting on. What is this? Who is better to address the supposed $150K Saks bill than the woman who only wishes she could spend enough time in Saks to rack up $150K? Believe you me, its not easy. To get to that amount of money, you'd have to spend a lot of time on the selling floor, or at least an hour in the Marc Jacobs purse boutique, or...and this is a pipe dream so I'll just be out with it...ten minutes with an Hermes Birkin bag.