Sunnyside, NY, Oct. 15, 2008—This post will not be fair. It will not be insightful or particularly smart or even well edited. It may actually qualify as, well, lame. Ah hell, dudes, it’s not even an original idea. But cut me some slack, they can’t all be brilliant, and this post is one tiny thing I can do for the O’Man, to show my support.

 Friday we leave for Mexico (Baraxil, our friends Debbie and Todd and me, not the O’Man. Though O’Man you are totally invited if you want to come). So I will leave you with this post for two weeks. Again, my sincerest apologies. There are a lot—I mean tons—of other things I wanted to write about, but I can’t because, quite frankly, this election has me obsessed. Whatever happens in this debate tonight, I will vote for Barack Obama on Nov. 4. And I hope, for the love of God, that a clear majority of you out there do the same.    

 When all of this is over, I will go back to writing about things we all cherish. Like cupcakes. And pandas. But for now…

Debate Night 8:45 – On my way home from work. Difficult week so I get out late. I’m really, really nervous. The O’Man is ahead in the polls, but I don’t want him to F it up. I don’t really believe he will F it up, he’s proven himself super cool. But I’m nervous anyway. I think about positive things that start with O. Orgasms, Omega 3, Oreos…

 8:56 – Arrive home, barely enough time to change clothes before the debate starts. Baraxil has made us a salad. Kiss Baraxil. What an awesome husband I have who makes me a debate night salad.

 9:01 – Open a bottle of wine.

 9:02 - Crap. They have those stupid lines at the bottom of the screen again, showing undecided voter reaction. I hate those lines. They distract me to the point of obsession. I don’t want to care about the focus group people, but I find myself staring at the lines, willing them to shoot up when the O’Man talks and plummet for the MacGranddaddy.

 9:11 – The O’Man and MacGranddaddy have become obsessed with some dude called Joe the Plumber. MacGranddaddy keeps trying to twist the conversation back to taxes. That’s all you got! You ain’t got nothin’ else! And by the way, how can he harp on the tax and spend thing when he supports a war costing us something like $10 billion a week?

 9:14 – They’re talking about the deficit, coming up on a trillion dollars. That looks like this: 1,000,000,000,000

 9:21 – MacGranddaddy is feisty tonight. Gotta admit the, “If you wanted to run against Bush you should have run four years ago” line was pretty good. Come on O’Man, you need a comeback. Don’t go flat, don’t fail us now.

 9:25 – Crap! The green line, the dude line, is off the charts, and MacGranddaddy is talking. Dudes dig MacGranddaddy. Why, dudes, why? Are you victims of your dude juice?

 9:31 – They are arguing over whose campaign wins the dirtiest campaign award. Really hungry. Take a break to eat salad

 9:37 – Yes! You been served on your William Ayers bullshit.

 9:42 – Yay, MacGranddaddy is going to talk about Sarah Palin. Take a sip of wine each time he says “maverick.” 

 9:44 – Crap. Only said reformer, didn’t say maverick. Take a drink anyway.

 9:45 – MacGranddaddy just said cockamamie.

 9:58 – Well into second glass of wine. They’ve been talking about energy and health care. I’m all over the O’Man’s plans. MacGranddaddy appears confused. He still believes the topic to be taxes.

 10:00 – Joe the Plummer has been watching Grey Anatomy on TiVo the whole time.

 10:11 – Abortion.  

 10:16 – Edumacation. Daddy, why are Americans so dumb? Open another bottle of wine.

 10:18 – Wait! The focus group people are digging the O’Man on education. The chicks are off the charts hot! The dudes too. Oh yeah, give it to us. Oh please, please, more parental responsibility, yes! Yes! Yes!

 10:31 – The best of the three debates comes to an end. And now, as the man says, go vote [for Barack Obama]. It will make you feel big and strong.